Stop.  It’s a simple word with a simple meaning.  Most four year-old children can identify a stop sign.  Most can spell stop. (Or at least all of my kids could by the middle of their fourth year. This may be advanced or delayed, but it is my experience.)  I don’t know of many who find pleasure in writing the word.

Lil’ B, who we were told might never speak or learn to use a fork or spoon properly. (He can, and he does.)  Has discovered writing.

The thing is, nobody has ever taught him how to write.

I haven’t.  I’m sure his preschool hasn’t.  Mom is in Turkey finishing out the last of a 15 turned 16 month tour of duty in the Air Force.  He is usually not allowed pens, markers, pencils or crayons because I can’t afford to paint that often. But he’s learned to write the word stop.

(I just found out that my sister has worked with him on a few letters, but that’s as far as his learning goes.)

Imagine if you will, my surprise when my son stopped riding his bike on the patio yesterday and exclaimed “Oh no!  Where’s stop?”  Then proceeded to make his own stop sign, so he would know where to stop and turn.

Actually, you don’t have to imagine, I got it on video:

Good job little guy.  We’re proud of you.

Peace.  I’m out

The scene above has been common in the Russell house for the past several weeks.  first it was a nasty cold that wouldn’t let anyone go, then I managed to contract a rather serious infection that dropped me like a rock for a full week and a half.  As it stands now the entire house is in catch up mode, from laundry to dusting.  Nobody has had the energy to do it.

It hasn’t just been me who’s been under the weather.  All three boys have been sick at one time or another.  If not they were all sick at once, which makes for a really fun day when you’re a father who’s already feeling like he’s taken a bullet to the leg that’s gotten infected.

Through it all I’ve managed to keep the basics of the house running.  Kids have gone to school, done homework, eaten the best dinners I could give them even though I spent a week sleeping the better part of 18 hours per day.  In short, i soldiered on, but the bulk of the housework suffered.

In that time our lil’ guy has begun speaking more and more.  he’s forming sentences and opinions of his own and, like all three year olds, is pushing for a bit of independence.  It’s life as usual, except that the kid that never spoke is now just the kid that doesn’t speak very well.

As far as his school goes, he’s doing very well.  He’s begun to take an interest in potty training as well, which thrills both me and my wallet.

As for the oldest boy… well, I have my hands full there, but that’s the subject of another post entirely, because honestly I could use some parenting pointers on that one.

Back o the youngest and his school reports.  I’m woefully behind on those, and since his other very much looks forward to them, I’m going to run them down in order here just to get caught up.  he really has made some huge strides over the past few weeks!

2-11-10: Great Day.  got right back into the routine of things.  He told a staff he had to go potty (gave a toilet picture to her). She took him in the bathroom and he sat on the oilet a long time and tried to go.  hopefully toilet training will be soon.

note: he’s been trying on-and-off at home, too

2-12-10: Good day. we’re working hard on getting him to play with peers.

note: Strange that it’s difficult for them there.  He plays fine with all the neighborhood kids, especially the older ones.

2-16-10: great morning. He said “Happy, happy, happy”.  i said, “Are you happy?” He answered back, “happy, I’m happy.”

2-17-10: Head strong today.  Everything was “No.” After short time delays he would do what he needed to do.

2-18-10: Still a few “no’s” but better today.  He talks all the time and verbally communicates with us very well.

note: this is nice-teacher talk for “never shuts up”.  Not that we’re complaining!

2-19-10: Good morning.  Started with “no’s” this afternoon. He looked tired during music time.  He does all the hand motions to the songs.

note: he fell asleep shortly after getting home that day… Hence the photo above.

2-22-10: Great day.  he followed directions very well. he is starting to show more interest in his peers.

note: He was a complete pain in the ass when he got home that day…  Must have used up all his great day vibes at school…

2-23-10: Very much into art today.  He requested dot art, markers, coloring books, gluing. We need more diapers for him.

2-24-10: Great day. Talked all day nonstop.

And I’m surprised by this because…

2-25-10: Loves helping to set up the individual scheduled the students have. He is very visual and will follow the schedule indepenently.

Yep.  loves helping around the house, too.  Especially if it means he has the chance to mess with the trash!

1-26-10: Very good mood.  Still working hard to get him to interact with other students.

I hope they do better with him and his classmates, but he was in a great mood this afternoon, communicated well, then fell asleep at 4:30.  he’s currently sleeping peacefully and I have no intention of waking him.

He’s just too cute when he’s sleeping!

Peace. I’m out.

Life sometimes changes focus for you and sometimes you have to decide it’s time to change the focus of your life on your own.  In either case it’s inevitable that the focus does change, that the direction you took yesterday doesn’t jibe with the course you’ve chosen for the next week, month or year.

It’s the same with a blog of this type as well.  When I started A father Speaks I did so with a very clear mission statement.  I would speak for my Autistic son until he could do so for himself.  It was my way of coping with some of the frustrations involved in having a nonverbal child.

Now he can speak for himself.

It’s still only in a limited fashion, but every day his vocabulary and mastery of language grows.  He can ask for what he wants and express himself.  He can tell me when he hurts or when he’s happy.  He laughs, he cries and he asks questions.  He’s still delayed, but is no longer stranded behind the glass wall of Autism.  He’s moving into the world with the rest of us.

The original point of this blog is no longer valid.  I’m not sure what I had originally thought I would do at this point. I didn’t think it would get here so quickly.  His advancements have thrilled and amazed everyone involved, from teachers and coordinators to family and friends.

Don’t get me wrong, these are welcome advances.  Every time he says something new I revel in his ability to learn.  I’m so proud of him that I could burst. His brothers help, they show encouragement and his mother beams and cries from her post across the Atlantic ocean.

But I no longer need to speak for him.  Lil’ B. is now capable of doing that on his own.  with that comes the choice of whether to simply walk away from A Father Speaks or to adapt it to fit the new realities of our lives.  I have chosen the latter.

Lil’ b. has never existed in a vacuum.  There’s a whirlwind of life around him. His brothers, the dog, his mom who is serving overseas.  Family drama, absolute insanity and terrible boredom.  All of these things work on our daily routine.

This blog is shifting to encompass all of those things.  In short, it’s turning into a Daddy blog in the true sense, with less than 100% of its focus on Lil’ B. and much more on the issues that a family deals with.  It all belongs here now and I intend to give all of these things their due.

I hope the changes are OK with all of you.  The new course is set and it will take time to make adjustments.

For now,

Peace.  I’m out.

Unfortunately, my life never gets any less busy.  Being a work at home dad and a mild workaholic can lead to a pretty long workweek. (My last workweek lasted 19 days.) Of course on top of the work, there is being Dad, which takes up at least as much time as work does.  In the end there are the unavoidable moments when I have to choose between working yet another day or taking some time for myself before burnout sets in.

The last few days have been just that.  My R&R time.  I always feel regretful for lost time, but my mind was getting fuzzy and my creativity was waning.  A break was needed.  Many aliens were harmed repeatedly in the making of this break, though England was saved and the U.S. ended with a fighting chance.

Through my short hiatus, live for the kids still rolled on.  Lil’ B. had some very good days, which is school is happy to describe to us:

Good day. Quieter than he usually is. He verbalizes every request now instead of just pointing.

I’ve noticed the same thing.  His verbalization and retention skills are improving very rapidly.  If progress continues at this rate he might be off the spectrum well before I had ever dreamed he would be.

Today’s repor was equally as encouraging:

Great day.  Initiated playing ball and ring around the rosy with other students

Now there’s progress!  This is the kid who never interacted with anyone even close to his own age group.  Now he’s playing because he wants to!

I really do attribute many of these advances to the fact that his brothers (who I will introduce you to tomorrow) have come to stay with us full time.  Constant contact with them has made him want to be more like them and less turned in on himself.  to them go the credits though.  I’m still just slogging along.

For tonight I’m going to head back to my happy lazy place.  Tomorrow it’s back to it at 120% as usual.  Right this minute it’s time for No Reservations.

It’s been hectic around the Russell compound for the past few days, what with long weekends and nagging coughs. Add visits by grandparents and half-brothers and all kinds of craziness, and I find that I’m just a bit behind here, but this will be corrected immediately!

I have Three days worth to catch you up on.  I promise I’ll get the routine back on track now that we’re done with short weeks for a while!

So, Friday’s Report from School:

Great Day. Very polite. Saying “Thank you” and “You’re welcome”.

Yep, that’s my boy.  He’s using his manners, even if he has a difficult time forming a sentence sometimes.  It makes me smile.

And Monday:

Good day.  does the hand motions to the songs and sings them.  Imitates very well.

I would be thrilled with this if they’d send me a list of the songs they sing in class.  have to remind myself to send a note tomorrow.  While he is singing songs and doing pretty well, I don’t recognize them, so I can’t sing with him!

And lastly we get caught up with today:

Starting to use his classmates names when he talks to them.  He has come such a long way in the short time he’s been here. He is a pleasure to have in class.

Now that’s a great way to end a post, donchathink!

I have a lot more tomorrow.

Peace. I’m out.

There was a time when we were worried my son would never speak.  those worries are, thankfully, behind us.  Lil’ B.’s vocabulary grows stronger every day.  He asks for drinks, shows me where things are and calls people by name.  The world is no longer an anonymous, nameless place to him.  This is a blessing wrapped in a rather jabbery curse, as now my son is never quiet, but it beats the alternative.

The school is as happy about this as we are:

Lots of talking and initiating interactions. (I’m leaving out the rest today because it’s of a personal nature)

Soon I fear that I’ll have yet another small voice yammering for attention incessantly.  Of course when I do have that worry I remember the years of silence…

then i smile.

Peace.  I’m out.

The world at times is a wonderful and inspiring place. For our family, the world was much more than that this week. Our son made sure that it was by quite simply achieving more than anyone thought he could at this point.

Not only has he continued with his counting, he now counts everything (up to three, then he starts over.) He’s learned that holding up his fingers and extending them one at a time is the perfect chance to practice this new skill, and even though he hasn’t figured out how to extend his index finger, he’s begun counting from his little finger backward. It’s still counting to three, which is an accomplishment for any two and-a-half year old, let alone a child with autism.

Yesterday in therapy he completed every single task. This is a first for Lil’ B., who has a severe aversion to both puzzles and books. This time however, he sat through the book and completed the puzzle with a bit of help from Miss Sandra and his mother, who was lucky enough to have the day off. The look of accomplishment in his eyes was enough to make this particular father beam with pride.

In the past few days our son has become completely annoying. He either wants to monopolize 100% of your time and attention or he is argumentative, willful and prone to tantrums when he does not get what he wants. In shot, he’s acting like every normal 2 year old, which is something we were not ready for but can’t complain about. We were never sure he’d act like an average child at all, so even though the terrible two’s aren’t what we were hoping for as a first look at his personality, it’s a welcome view nonetheless.

He is, in fact, acting so much like a normal two year old that last night when I told him that it was not time to play with his blocks, his response was “Yes Blocks!” This went on for a while, finally terminating with the bag of blocks being hurled across the living room (by Lil, B.) and a trip to sit in his room and think about just why it’s not OK to throw blocks at your mother (enforced by me, as mom was in no state to deal with him at the moment.) The terrible two’s at their worst! I love it!

The topper for the week happened last night. I was siting outside enjoying a bit of peace, quiet and nicotine (Don’t start. I don’t smoke around my family or other people that are uncomfortable with it. Take the consideration for what it is… I value their lives and yours.) Lil’ B. had been running up to the door and waving “hi”, which is new for him. Apparently my attention was drawn away from the door, so I didn’t see him make a return trip to wave.

Then I heard what is probably the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Out of the blue, in a very clear voice my son shouted “Daddy! Hi!” and waved like a madman.

I was too shocked to wave back, but I made it up to him with lots of love and tickles.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’d love to prattle on, but for now the housework and work-work beckons and i must go.

Peace, I’m out.

The last few days have been nothing short of universe-changing, earth-shattering and monumental in a very Dr. Who saves the earth with nothing but a sonic screwdriver and a stick of bubble gum kind of way. If this were an epic fantasy, I would proclaim in my best bard’s voice that Our Brave Hero has officially mounted his trusty steed and is now riding with purpose toward the Citadel of Silence to do battle with the dread and all silencing Aut-ism, armed with the one weapon that can defeat such a dread foe.

Our Hero carries with him not a screwdriver which also happens to be sonic. He carries with him something far more versatile and devastating to the Lord of Silence and misunderstanding. The one weapon which can place the dread lord safely into a prison from which he can never hope to escape. He carries his voice.

He’s started talking.

The words are as yet few, but he’s begun mimicking us, the television and anyone else who speaks around him. He’s noticing facial expressions and cuing in on them and he’s doing his level best to make the people around him smile (at least when he’s not just being 2-1/2 and being mischievous.) Our hero has mastered the concept of words, and one of the first that he used was one that melted the heart of this knight in his not-so-shiny-armor.

He said Daddy, then smiled and pointed right at me.

I know that he knows what he said. he repeated it gleefully for over an hour, sometimes dragging his mother, the Good Queen through the house just so that he could point and say Daddy where she could see it. He very much enjoys pleasing the Queen, so for him it was a bit of an adventure.

He happily tries to count to three with us, mimics the sound of Sesame street characters or dora the Explorer when they say the alphabet or count, and has taken to saying “yeah”, “yep” and “uh-huh”. (He is Texan, after all.) He has also begun signing words that he has difficulty with, like “more”, in places where it is appropriate and working hard to complete the tasks his therapists set for him. It’s like someone opened the flood-gates and now there’s no stopping him. Pretty soon I’ll be asking him to stop talking for a little bit so that I can concentrate, but in his case I’m going to say that’s a good thing.

This is shaping up to be one heck of a week!

For now I’m going to take advantage of a bit of momentary silence and try to get a few things straightened up, secure in the knowledge that Our Hero will emerge victorious in the end. He’ll get through this and emerge stronger for it and we will be stronger for the journey.

Peace, I’m out.

The last few weeks has shown a lot of progress in Lil’ B’s development in several areas. Developmental progress is the thing we live for in him and I couldn’t be happier. Some advancements are very small things, like being able to wait for something to be done before acting on impulse (Wait until dad has his head out of the fridge before you close the door, Buddy.) Knowing that if he has a bottle in his hand he’s supposed to be in his room and lying down. (he’s got the in the room part down, the lying down part we’re still working on, and as for the bottle, YOU may try to wean him from it if you wish. I personally enjoy sleep and I’d like to keep getting some, as he will not sleep without a bottle)

Other things are huge and would be noticeable to anyone. Lil’ B. is holding eye contact far more often, rather than just staring out into the space over your shoulder. He’s memorized the order of the toys his therapists want him to play with and what he’s supposed to do with them and he’s started to mimic sounds and fight to learn new words.

Yes. New Words.

For yesterday and today, at least, his word of choice is “Three”, though is just comes out as “Eeeee!” I’ll take it, though. It’s effort and he knows what it means, as is evidenced by the huge giggle he gives off when either mom or dad repeats it to him as “three”. I think learning to say YAY was what triggered the speech process. It dawned on Lil’ B. one day that just the word was enough. That the hand clapping, while immensely fun, wasn’t necessary. The WORD meant something all on its own. Now that he has the concept, he’s exploring it. I have little doubt that he’ll be talking up a storm within a few months… (OK, that’s optimistic, but I can see the intelligence in his eyes, so I’m very hopeful.)

Hopefully the next few months won’t knock him of stride. Starting tomorrow the very real business of getting the house ready for our impending move begins, so things will be changing around him. For the most part it will just look like we’re cleaning, since as I pack boxes they will be moved to the outside storage shed or into our closets, but the things around the house are going to be steadily dwindling as time goes by, and Lil’ b. does not like change…

I’m thinking that perhaps having him help to pack up some of the less important bits and come with me while I store them away will help him understand that these changes are good things, rather than disruptions in his life and routine. That way we can get the bulk of the loose items packed away safely (and without the movers knowing where most of the really expensive and important items are which can be a plus considering the amount of theft reported recently.)

Do you think it will help? Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Every parent is ecstatic when their child learns something new. The parent of a child in the Autistic spectrum takes a special joy in it, especially when it involves talking. I’m no different and neither is Lil’ B.’s mother. right now we’re both in seventh heaven.

Lil’ B. has been working hard on learning a few things over the past few weeks. this is not just due to his therapy or our efforts. A lot has to be said for the power of a certain explorer and her monkey friend, a set of backyard buddies and an animal rescuer, all of whom Lil’ B. watches in a never ending cycle throughout the day. Regardless of where his inspiration came from, I’m thankful, because now we have a few new things to go on with him, and these things are the beginnings of conversation.

I’d already mentioned that he’s finally learned “Yay” and “No”, but it recent days he’s also picked up “Nun-nun” (for food, “Yah”, (for yes) and the most impressive, his new favorite phrase, “Un-Un-Un!” (Or Run! Run! Run!), which he shouts with glee as we jog through a parking lot or as he runs to and fro in the hall. This is big stuff!

If all that wasn’t good enough, i’ve found him singing to himself in his room, though I can’t say I recognize the tune, and he’s been doing an incredible job of following direction from his therapists as well as mom and dad. to say that these have been a good few weeks would be an understatement.

And now it’s time to go work with his stacking cups and back to the duty of knight in not-so-shiny-armor. Our hero awaits!