Life sometimes changes focus for you and sometimes you have to decide it’s time to change the focus of your life on your own.  In either case it’s inevitable that the focus does change, that the direction you took yesterday doesn’t jibe with the course you’ve chosen for the next week, month or year.

It’s the same with a blog of this type as well.  When I started A father Speaks I did so with a very clear mission statement.  I would speak for my Autistic son until he could do so for himself.  It was my way of coping with some of the frustrations involved in having a nonverbal child.

Now he can speak for himself.

It’s still only in a limited fashion, but every day his vocabulary and mastery of language grows.  He can ask for what he wants and express himself.  He can tell me when he hurts or when he’s happy.  He laughs, he cries and he asks questions.  He’s still delayed, but is no longer stranded behind the glass wall of Autism.  He’s moving into the world with the rest of us.

The original point of this blog is no longer valid.  I’m not sure what I had originally thought I would do at this point. I didn’t think it would get here so quickly.  His advancements have thrilled and amazed everyone involved, from teachers and coordinators to family and friends.

Don’t get me wrong, these are welcome advances.  Every time he says something new I revel in his ability to learn.  I’m so proud of him that I could burst. His brothers help, they show encouragement and his mother beams and cries from her post across the Atlantic ocean.

But I no longer need to speak for him.  Lil’ B. is now capable of doing that on his own.  with that comes the choice of whether to simply walk away from A Father Speaks or to adapt it to fit the new realities of our lives.  I have chosen the latter.

Lil’ b. has never existed in a vacuum.  There’s a whirlwind of life around him. His brothers, the dog, his mom who is serving overseas.  Family drama, absolute insanity and terrible boredom.  All of these things work on our daily routine.

This blog is shifting to encompass all of those things.  In short, it’s turning into a Daddy blog in the true sense, with less than 100% of its focus on Lil’ B. and much more on the issues that a family deals with.  It all belongs here now and I intend to give all of these things their due.

I hope the changes are OK with all of you.  The new course is set and it will take time to make adjustments.

For now,

Peace.  I’m out.

I’ve spent the past few days in the middle of a programming nightmare.  As such I haven’t had as much time as I would like to post here, so let’s do a bit of a recap for the past few days.

The note from the school on Wednesday was one of those that makes me chuckle a bit.  It’s always interesting to hear someone else react to something you’ve already seen or heard, and this is no exception:

Said his name today for the first time. His spontaneous speech has greatly improved.  He is doing such a great job

You see, Lil’ B. constantly says his own name at home. Generally in the same way that his father says it when angry, including all four names with proper inflection.  At other times he just uses his first name, but generally followed by “Noooo!”  He learns well from example, my boy.

I’m extremely thankful that he’s beginning to act more like himself in class and that he’s comfortable enough to say his own name around his teachers and peers.  It shows progress and progress is something I’m always a proponent of.

Today’s message was another one that i could have told them had they asked:

Great day. He loves being a helper. He’ll help both adults and other students.

yep.  he’s my official trash can lid opener, cup picker-upper and trash collector.  he’ll help put away his coat and shoes, happily help put the milk back in the fridge and any other task he can grasp.  He’s just that way.  I’ve known this for years.  Now someone else appreciates it.  It’s a good feeling.

For now everyone, my head is over-full from a day of code gone wrong.  time to veg in front of bad television.

Peace. I’m out.

The world at times is a wonderful and inspiring place. For our family, the world was much more than that this week. Our son made sure that it was by quite simply achieving more than anyone thought he could at this point.

Not only has he continued with his counting, he now counts everything (up to three, then he starts over.) He’s learned that holding up his fingers and extending them one at a time is the perfect chance to practice this new skill, and even though he hasn’t figured out how to extend his index finger, he’s begun counting from his little finger backward. It’s still counting to three, which is an accomplishment for any two and-a-half year old, let alone a child with autism.

Yesterday in therapy he completed every single task. This is a first for Lil’ B., who has a severe aversion to both puzzles and books. This time however, he sat through the book and completed the puzzle with a bit of help from Miss Sandra and his mother, who was lucky enough to have the day off. The look of accomplishment in his eyes was enough to make this particular father beam with pride.

In the past few days our son has become completely annoying. He either wants to monopolize 100% of your time and attention or he is argumentative, willful and prone to tantrums when he does not get what he wants. In shot, he’s acting like every normal 2 year old, which is something we were not ready for but can’t complain about. We were never sure he’d act like an average child at all, so even though the terrible two’s aren’t what we were hoping for as a first look at his personality, it’s a welcome view nonetheless.

He is, in fact, acting so much like a normal two year old that last night when I told him that it was not time to play with his blocks, his response was “Yes Blocks!” This went on for a while, finally terminating with the bag of blocks being hurled across the living room (by Lil, B.) and a trip to sit in his room and think about just why it’s not OK to throw blocks at your mother (enforced by me, as mom was in no state to deal with him at the moment.) The terrible two’s at their worst! I love it!

The topper for the week happened last night. I was siting outside enjoying a bit of peace, quiet and nicotine (Don’t start. I don’t smoke around my family or other people that are uncomfortable with it. Take the consideration for what it is… I value their lives and yours.) Lil’ B. had been running up to the door and waving “hi”, which is new for him. Apparently my attention was drawn away from the door, so I didn’t see him make a return trip to wave.

Then I heard what is probably the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Out of the blue, in a very clear voice my son shouted “Daddy! Hi!” and waved like a madman.

I was too shocked to wave back, but I made it up to him with lots of love and tickles.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’d love to prattle on, but for now the housework and work-work beckons and i must go.

Peace, I’m out.

The last few days have been nothing short of universe-changing, earth-shattering and monumental in a very Dr. Who saves the earth with nothing but a sonic screwdriver and a stick of bubble gum kind of way. If this were an epic fantasy, I would proclaim in my best bard’s voice that Our Brave Hero has officially mounted his trusty steed and is now riding with purpose toward the Citadel of Silence to do battle with the dread and all silencing Aut-ism, armed with the one weapon that can defeat such a dread foe.

Our Hero carries with him not a screwdriver which also happens to be sonic. He carries with him something far more versatile and devastating to the Lord of Silence and misunderstanding. The one weapon which can place the dread lord safely into a prison from which he can never hope to escape. He carries his voice.

He’s started talking.

The words are as yet few, but he’s begun mimicking us, the television and anyone else who speaks around him. He’s noticing facial expressions and cuing in on them and he’s doing his level best to make the people around him smile (at least when he’s not just being 2-1/2 and being mischievous.) Our hero has mastered the concept of words, and one of the first that he used was one that melted the heart of this knight in his not-so-shiny-armor.

He said Daddy, then smiled and pointed right at me.

I know that he knows what he said. he repeated it gleefully for over an hour, sometimes dragging his mother, the Good Queen through the house just so that he could point and say Daddy where she could see it. He very much enjoys pleasing the Queen, so for him it was a bit of an adventure.

He happily tries to count to three with us, mimics the sound of Sesame street characters or dora the Explorer when they say the alphabet or count, and has taken to saying “yeah”, “yep” and “uh-huh”. (He is Texan, after all.) He has also begun signing words that he has difficulty with, like “more”, in places where it is appropriate and working hard to complete the tasks his therapists set for him. It’s like someone opened the flood-gates and now there’s no stopping him. Pretty soon I’ll be asking him to stop talking for a little bit so that I can concentrate, but in his case I’m going to say that’s a good thing.

This is shaping up to be one heck of a week!

For now I’m going to take advantage of a bit of momentary silence and try to get a few things straightened up, secure in the knowledge that Our Hero will emerge victorious in the end. He’ll get through this and emerge stronger for it and we will be stronger for the journey.

Peace, I’m out.

The last few weeks has shown a lot of progress in Lil’ B’s development in several areas. Developmental progress is the thing we live for in him and I couldn’t be happier. Some advancements are very small things, like being able to wait for something to be done before acting on impulse (Wait until dad has his head out of the fridge before you close the door, Buddy.) Knowing that if he has a bottle in his hand he’s supposed to be in his room and lying down. (he’s got the in the room part down, the lying down part we’re still working on, and as for the bottle, YOU may try to wean him from it if you wish. I personally enjoy sleep and I’d like to keep getting some, as he will not sleep without a bottle)

Other things are huge and would be noticeable to anyone. Lil’ B. is holding eye contact far more often, rather than just staring out into the space over your shoulder. He’s memorized the order of the toys his therapists want him to play with and what he’s supposed to do with them and he’s started to mimic sounds and fight to learn new words.

Yes. New Words.

For yesterday and today, at least, his word of choice is “Three”, though is just comes out as “Eeeee!” I’ll take it, though. It’s effort and he knows what it means, as is evidenced by the huge giggle he gives off when either mom or dad repeats it to him as “three”. I think learning to say YAY was what triggered the speech process. It dawned on Lil’ B. one day that just the word was enough. That the hand clapping, while immensely fun, wasn’t necessary. The WORD meant something all on its own. Now that he has the concept, he’s exploring it. I have little doubt that he’ll be talking up a storm within a few months… (OK, that’s optimistic, but I can see the intelligence in his eyes, so I’m very hopeful.)

Hopefully the next few months won’t knock him of stride. Starting tomorrow the very real business of getting the house ready for our impending move begins, so things will be changing around him. For the most part it will just look like we’re cleaning, since as I pack boxes they will be moved to the outside storage shed or into our closets, but the things around the house are going to be steadily dwindling as time goes by, and Lil’ b. does not like change…

I’m thinking that perhaps having him help to pack up some of the less important bits and come with me while I store them away will help him understand that these changes are good things, rather than disruptions in his life and routine. That way we can get the bulk of the loose items packed away safely (and without the movers knowing where most of the really expensive and important items are which can be a plus considering the amount of theft reported recently.)

Do you think it will help? Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

And in the case of our son, he’s figured out how to ask for it. Like most of his breakthrough’s this one came out of nowhere and simply floored both his therapist and his parents.

He signed More, and is trying very hard to say it!

For those not versed in Baby sign language,”More” is signed by bringing the tips of the fingers together with your thumbs touching the index finger of each hand, like so:

It’s a simple thing, but very important.  It gives my son one more tool in his arsenal of things that he can request on his own, even if it is just “more of something”.  The fact that he is completely aware that he’s supposed to be saying the word with the motion is something inspiring in it’s own right.  he’s still just making a noise, but he’s trying.  He signed “more” five times during today’s therapy session, and has done so several more times since, though I’ll admit to not knowing what he wanted more of.

And he’s looking right at us when he does it.

Eye contact is a huge issue with people in the autistic spectrum.  Since they usually have difficulty understanding facial expressions, autistic kids just don’t bother looking at faces.  Lil’ B. has gotten much better at this.  He seems to be getting a small understanding of facial expressions as well, which is heartwarming, since it will make his life a lot easier if he can understand a person’s emotions by the way they look, rather than having to guess at it.

I’m sure there was something else I was supposed to say here, but I can’t remember it right at the moment.

Peace All, I’m out!

Lil' B opens his first gift of the season. Read on for more!

I know I’ve been a bit lax in getting new posts up here, but I have some pretty good reasons for the lapse in information. It’s been a very busy couple of weeks in the Russell household, and not just with Lil’ B. and his progress (which has had me smiling a lot.)  There’s been a lot going on across the board.  Let’s recap a bit, shall we?

Firstly, about three days after my last update, my wife came home with news.  We have orders, we’re leaving Texas and Sheppard AFB.  The Plus side; my wife gets to go back to doing the work she loves.  The down side; she’ll be doing that work in Turkey and Lil’ B. and myself will be in California for the 15 months she’ll be gone.

For those who think this is an earth shattering issue in our relationship, it’s not. It’s just part of the life of a Military family.  I’ll be close to my sister,  step dad and my boys, so for me the time will fly by.  I also have some unfinished business to take care of in California and this is the perfect opportunity to get that taken care of.

As for my wife, she’ll get to enjoy some of the most wonderful food in the world and she tells me that there are a lot of things that we can get for nest to nothing, so her time will be filled with pursuits of furniture, Persian rugs and saffron, which we are told can be gotten very inexpensively there. (can you say eBay!?!)

On other fronts, lil’ B. has been progressing well in terms of keeping eye contact, which is a huge issue for him.  He’s made “yay” a permanent part of his vocabulary, and has begun asking for food by name, rather than just haling Dad to the fridge.  All of these things are wonderful and I cherish each moment, but there’s one thing he’s done over the past few weeks that shines far above all others:

He told his mother he loved her!

I was not fortunate enough to hear this, but I know it’s true.  The tears running down my wife’s face were more than proof enough.  Lil’ B. was apparently pleased enough with himself over the accomplishment that he simply walked to his room and went directly to sleep and has not seen the need to revisit the occasion, but we’re waiting.

As for the photo at the top of the post, we apparently missed a Christmas party held by the center that provides Lil’ B. with his therapy sessions, so Miss Sandra was kind enough to bring his gift by with her on their last appointment of the year.  It was actually a duplicate of a toy he already has, and as such will be returned to the BigScaryMegaMart where it was purchased for an exchange but we learned something from the experience:

Lil’ B. does not like to unwrap presents!

Let's open your present Lil' B.

This was confirmed right after the above photo was taken.  Miss Sandra pulled the first piece of wrapping paper loose and Lil’ B. Let out a very emphatic “No!” and walked away.

NO! Don't tear the paper!

While this bodes well for the gifts I’m about to place under the tree, it also means that wrapping his gifts may just be an exercise in futility.  We’re thinking gift bags may be the way to go if we would like to see him play with his new toys, rather than simply taking the packages into his room and staring at them.

In all other aspects, both good and bad, things seem to be falling into place. and Lil’ B. learns more with every visit.  We’re spending time mimicking their activities on the days they don’t come, but he seems to pay closer attention to his therapists than he does to his parents. (totally normal for a two year old, I know!)

That’s all I’ve got for the moment, and our little hero is awake, so I’m off to do that dad thing.

Peace, I’m out.

Lil’B made leaps and bounds today.  O.K., that might be overstating it a bit, but when you’re talking about a kid that really either does not see the need to speak or can’t seem to fathom the need, and for whom “Playing with others” is a  concept as alien to him as using a jar of southern gravy rather than just making y own would be to me, we’re talking about one very proud Father. Today during my son’s therapy with “Miss Sandra” (also known as the Wise Lady of the Plains) he did several things that he has never done before.

As any parent of an autistic child will attest, new things are remarkable things. Autistic children are resistant to change of any kind and Lil’ B. is no different, but today he took a leap.  Several leaps. This is an immense move for him, both in trust for Miss Sandra, whom he actually allows to touch him (not at all a normal state of affairs with my son) and in confidence levels for himself, which he has shown since the session this afternoon in the form of better eye contact and a fairly mild demeanor.

For the first time in his life, he put something underneath something else.  This is a big deal in the case of our son, who regards anything stacked on top of something else as the utmost in troubling sights.  Today he “hid” a tiny toy bear under a stackable cup, and did so repeatedly, laughing in absolute elation every time he pulled the cup back up and Miss Sandra said “Boo!”  He was so enthralled that he never noticed that I’d placed my ball cap on his head. (another something he cannot usually tolerate.)

This would have been more than enough for me.  Just that much of a switch to “normal kid” from the normally withdrawn child that my son is.  But he went ahead and exceeded anyones expectations anyway.

He said “more.”  Or to be precise, he aid “owwe”, but you get the picture. He said it when he meant “more”! (we’re talking about a two year old with delayed speech.  Imagine that a “normal” kiddo his age would probably say “mowwe” and you kind of see the point.  He also leaves the first sound off of “straw” and simply says “waaww”.  All kids are different, and that’s his way.)

A new word in this house is cause for celebration.  It’s a very quiet celebration, because giving Lil’B. Accolades on something new is a sure fire way to make sure that it does not happen again.  I’m not sure if it embarrases him or if he just assumes since he got it right that he doesn’t need to go any further.  We’ll have to wait for full on speech for him to be able to tell us, and at that point it will be… Well… A mute point.  Circular, I know, but that’s the way it is.

The routine from therapy remained constant.  Within 20 minutes of Miss Sandra leaving (and the prerequisite meltdown that comes along with that), Lil’ B. was asleep.  That time was used by Dad to inform mom of the progress made, then to find my own place to curl up for a while, since a very stubborn cold had kept me up almost all night.  I woke feeling better, he woke in a terrible state.  The reasons for that are stil unknown. The rest of the evening went well and I am currently awaiting his departure to dreamland so that I can do the same.

For now I have a few things to do befoe the house is safe once again from ravaging hordes of puppies that we invited in for whatever reason, then off to watch something terrible on television until the little master finally succumbs to sleep.

Until then I will celebrate the little strides he made today.  They are the first steps on his way to finally being able to choose his own journey, rather than having life dictate it to him.  In the end, that journey is all that matters, at least to him.  Though I doubt he knows that yet.

Peace all, I’m out.

The meeting with the speech therapist went well.  Instead of the meltdown I was dreading, the only tears that were shed was when the therapist left.  He likes her.  A lot and that’s going to help loads. And he’s been pretty calm for the most part for the rest of the day as well.  It’s always a good day when I get to remain in my position as narrator and don’t have to resort to donning the not-so-shiny armor of our hero’s knight errant.

Today’s meeting consisted mostly of a bit of time playing.  I’m sure there is a madness to this method, but I’ve yet to figure out what it is.  I will however, be doing the same with him until next week, as well as trying to follow some of the other suggestions given.

One of the best is that we should get pictures of his favorite foods and print them on a piece of paper (I’m saying we laminate!).  This hsould be somewhere he can reach it.  Then when he wants something, he can point to the paper to let us know what it is.  I like this idea.  I like it a lot.

So as far as the battle with silence goes, we’ve entered the fray, but we’ve not seen much progress.  Of course , I didn’t expect any after the very first visit, either. These things take time and patience and perseverance are the weapons of choice in this battle.  I have enough in reserve, I think.