Had he been bothered at all by this, it might have been easier to handle.  Unfortunately it felt like I was sitting in a courtroom with a convicted felon who had no remorse for his crimes.  My son simply does not care if he fails.  As a matter of fact, he thinks that good grades are the sign of a weak individual.  His feelings on the subject are that “Cool kids don’t get good grades, only nerds and wusses do.”

Honestly, I don’t know what has had to happen to a kid his age to cause this attitude.  i haven’t been around while his mother relationship fell apart.  I’m not aware of everything, I don’t know that I want to be fully aware of everything.  I’m just left to pick up the pieces and try to put my kids back together.

All the while, I have to blame myself.  He’s gone through all the motions of doing his homework, but apparently only has just been scribbling random words on the page unless he thought I would be looking.  this is most definitely a failure on my part.  I got complacent and he took advantage of that complacency.  It is, after all, a child’s job to try to get away with things.  As a parent, I should have been there to make sure it didn’t happen.  I wasn’.

Monday will find me scheduling appointments with teachers and discovering if there is any chance that my son can graduate the sixth grade.  Routines at home have been modified to ensure that schoolwork is the only focus he will have until evidence points towards improvement rather than a complete disregard for his own future.  It may be a case of better late than never, or it may be a case of too little to late, but it’s all his mother or I can do at this point.

Peace.  I’m out

Also on this topic…

• The weekend comes and goes

The scene above has been common in the Russell house for the past several weeks.  first it was a nasty cold that wouldn’t let anyone go, then I managed to contract a rather serious infection that dropped me like a rock for a full week and a half.  As it stands now the entire house is in catch up mode, from laundry to dusting.  Nobody has had the energy to do it.

It hasn’t just been me who’s been under the weather.  All three boys have been sick at one time or another.  If not they were all sick at once, which makes for a really fun day when you’re a father who’s already feeling like he’s taken a bullet to the leg that’s gotten infected.

Through it all I’ve managed to keep the basics of the house running.  Kids have gone to school, done homework, eaten the best dinners I could give them even though I spent a week sleeping the better part of 18 hours per day.  In short, i soldiered on, but the bulk of the housework suffered.

In that time our lil’ guy has begun speaking more and more.  he’s forming sentences and opinions of his own and, like all three year olds, is pushing for a bit of independence.  It’s life as usual, except that the kid that never spoke is now just the kid that doesn’t speak very well.

As far as his school goes, he’s doing very well.  He’s begun to take an interest in potty training as well, which thrills both me and my wallet.

As for the oldest boy… well, I have my hands full there, but that’s the subject of another post entirely, because honestly I could use some parenting pointers on that one.

Back o the youngest and his school reports.  I’m woefully behind on those, and since his other very much looks forward to them, I’m going to run them down in order here just to get caught up.  he really has made some huge strides over the past few weeks!

2-11-10: Great Day.  got right back into the routine of things.  He told a staff he had to go potty (gave a toilet picture to her). She took him in the bathroom and he sat on the oilet a long time and tried to go.  hopefully toilet training will be soon.

note: he’s been trying on-and-off at home, too

2-12-10: Good day. we’re working hard on getting him to play with peers.

note: Strange that it’s difficult for them there.  He plays fine with all the neighborhood kids, especially the older ones.

2-16-10: great morning. He said “Happy, happy, happy”.  i said, “Are you happy?” He answered back, “happy, I’m happy.”

2-17-10: Head strong today.  Everything was “No.” After short time delays he would do what he needed to do.

2-18-10: Still a few “no’s” but better today.  He talks all the time and verbally communicates with us very well.

note: this is nice-teacher talk for “never shuts up”.  Not that we’re complaining!

2-19-10: Good morning.  Started with “no’s” this afternoon. He looked tired during music time.  He does all the hand motions to the songs.

note: he fell asleep shortly after getting home that day… Hence the photo above.

2-22-10: Great day.  he followed directions very well. he is starting to show more interest in his peers.

note: He was a complete pain in the ass when he got home that day…  Must have used up all his great day vibes at school…

2-23-10: Very much into art today.  He requested dot art, markers, coloring books, gluing. We need more diapers for him.

2-24-10: Great day. Talked all day nonstop.

And I’m surprised by this because…

2-25-10: Loves helping to set up the individual scheduled the students have. He is very visual and will follow the schedule indepenently.

Yep.  loves helping around the house, too.  Especially if it means he has the chance to mess with the trash!

1-26-10: Very good mood.  Still working hard to get him to interact with other students.

I hope they do better with him and his classmates, but he was in a great mood this afternoon, communicated well, then fell asleep at 4:30.  he’s currently sleeping peacefully and I have no intention of waking him.

He’s just too cute when he’s sleeping!

Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• Get your motor running…
• The weekend comes and goes
• A very good end to the week

At the moment blogging is a fever-pitched thing punctuated by the sound of a small cough, which sends “Dad” to his bedroom door to see if he is still sleeping or if I need to spend some time sitting with him while he dozes off again.  It’s not quite bad enough for a doctor visit, bit if it hods on another day or two, I’m going to call that necessary.

I’ll do my best to get something more cohesive put up here later today or tomorrow, but for now I’m on sick kid duty, so my time is limited.

Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• Changes in focus
• The weekend comes and goes
• He’s just as stubborn as his mother (and father)

Life sometimes changes focus for you and sometimes you have to decide it’s time to change the focus of your life on your own.  In either case it’s inevitable that the focus does change, that the direction you took yesterday doesn’t jibe with the course you’ve chosen for the next week, month or year.

It’s the same with a blog of this type as well.  When I started A father Speaks I did so with a very clear mission statement.  I would speak for my Autistic son until he could do so for himself.  It was my way of coping with some of the frustrations involved in having a nonverbal child.

Now he can speak for himself.

It’s still only in a limited fashion, but every day his vocabulary and mastery of language grows.  He can ask for what he wants and express himself.  He can tell me when he hurts or when he’s happy.  He laughs, he cries and he asks questions.  He’s still delayed, but is no longer stranded behind the glass wall of Autism.  He’s moving into the world with the rest of us.

The original point of this blog is no longer valid.  I’m not sure what I had originally thought I would do at this point. I didn’t think it would get here so quickly.  His advancements have thrilled and amazed everyone involved, from teachers and coordinators to family and friends.

Don’t get me wrong, these are welcome advances.  Every time he says something new I revel in his ability to learn.  I’m so proud of him that I could burst. His brothers help, they show encouragement and his mother beams and cries from her post across the Atlantic ocean.

But I no longer need to speak for him.  Lil’ B. is now capable of doing that on his own.  with that comes the choice of whether to simply walk away from A Father Speaks or to adapt it to fit the new realities of our lives.  I have chosen the latter.

Lil’ b. has never existed in a vacuum.  There’s a whirlwind of life around him. His brothers, the dog, his mom who is serving overseas.  Family drama, absolute insanity and terrible boredom.  All of these things work on our daily routine.

This blog is shifting to encompass all of those things.  In short, it’s turning into a Daddy blog in the true sense, with less than 100% of its focus on Lil’ B. and much more on the issues that a family deals with.  It all belongs here now and I intend to give all of these things their due.

I hope the changes are OK with all of you.  The new course is set and it will take time to make adjustments.

For now,

Peace.  I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• Hi there!
• Can you repeat that?
• Progress is a wonderful thing

School is going well too.  He’s very much enjoyed the fact that the sun has finally broken through the dismal shadow of the Frankenstorm that has been plaguing Northern California for the past two weeks.  I know that the sun is definitely making me feel better.

The morning greeted us with crisp clear skies and just a bit of frost.  A perfect day for a light sweatshirt rather than a heavy jacket.  Lil’ B. boarded the bus with his usual enthusiasm and the day was off.

The report from school ws encouraging as well:

He was happy we got to play outside.  We were working hard on him pedaling the tricycle.  He wanted to spend the whole time on the bike.

Next thing you know he’ll be wearing a biker jacket and belting out “Born to be wild”.

Wouldn’t that be something!

Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• Finally out of the funk
• A very good end to the week
• Not every day can be perfect

The last few days have been just that.  My R&R time.  I always feel regretful for lost time, but my mind was getting fuzzy and my creativity was waning.  A break was needed.  Many aliens were harmed repeatedly in the making of this break, though England was saved and the U.S. ended with a fighting chance.

Through my short hiatus, live for the kids still rolled on.  Lil’ B. had some very good days, which is school is happy to describe to us:

Good day. Quieter than he usually is. He verbalizes every request now instead of just pointing.

I’ve noticed the same thing.  His verbalization and retention skills are improving very rapidly.  If progress continues at this rate he might be off the spectrum well before I had ever dreamed he would be.

Today’s repor was equally as encouraging:

Great day.  Initiated playing ball and ring around the rosy with other students

Now there’s progress!  This is the kid who never interacted with anyone even close to his own age group.  Now he’s playing because he wants to!

I really do attribute many of these advances to the fact that his brothers (who I will introduce you to tomorrow) have come to stay with us full time.  Constant contact with them has made him want to be more like them and less turned in on himself.  to them go the credits though.  I’m still just slogging along.

For tonight I’m going to head back to my happy lazy place.  Tomorrow it’s back to it at 120% as usual.  Right this minute it’s time for No Reservations.

Also on this topic…

• Finally out of the funk
• Changes in focus
• I like good news

Yesterday was one of the not-so-great-days; both at school and at home:

Hard time sitting still at circle today. Said “no” a lot. He diffidently knew what he liked and didn’t like today.

This was followed by an extremely tired child returning home from school with a chip on his shoulder and a tantrum at the ready for any situation.  A nap would have solved the issue, but Lil’ B. hasn’t napped unless he’s sick since he was just past 2 years old.

Add a new overnight guest to the mix and it was a rather hectic evening right up until bedtime, at which time he was asleep within minutes and a sort of blissful dimming in the chaos of the day presented itself. (Not that is was quiet, there were still three boys in the house.)

As the title suggests, much of the little guys issues yesterday were due in a large part to a stubborn streak as large and unforgiving as a tsunami.  He comes by that stubbornness honestly.  Both his mother and I are just as stubborn, a trait I consider a positive if used properly but rarely a plus if used in the wrong way or at the wrong time. I’m sure he’ll learn to master this trait eventually but yesterday was just one of those “not so great” days.

This morning he’s a perfect angel.  I think he was just overtired.

Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• I like good news
• A very good end to the week
• Long overdue updates.

Another Great Day. He helps me at circle and music time.  He likes doing the weather.

Most days that would spell a great homecoming.  Today is not quite one of those days.  Perhaps it’s a matter of perspective, but to me Lil’ B. seems crankier than usual today and a bit prone to throwing a fit at the drop of a hat.  I think he’s just overtired, but I can’t prove that theory until after dinner and bed time.

On the plus side, he’s advancing in language skills very rapidly.  when we first heard that he was probably autistic we were warned that he might never speak, but he’s proving the doctors wrong all across the board on that one.  With any luck we’re dealing with an extremely delayed child that will be a very close approximation of normal (whatever that is) by the time he’s in High School.

That’s my hope at least, but then it’s my job to dream big, isn’t it.

For today; Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• A very good end to the week
• The weekend comes and goes
• He’s just as stubborn as his mother (and father)

They say pets can have an effect on those with ASD.  I think that there is no greater truth.  Lil’ B. lights up like a Christmas tree when he has these moments.

Pardon the sound quality, I was a bit far back and in a bit of a rush.

It’s not earth shattering.  It just makes me smile, and that’s enough for me.

Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• The sweetest of sounds
• Sick Days
• Changes in focus

I have Three days worth to catch you up on.  I promise I’ll get the routine back on track now that we’re done with short weeks for a while!

So, Friday’s Report from School:

Great Day. Very polite. Saying “Thank you” and “You’re welcome”.

Yep, that’s my boy.  He’s using his manners, even if he has a difficult time forming a sentence sometimes.  It makes me smile.

And Monday:

Good day.  does the hand motions to the songs and sings them.  Imitates very well.

I would be thrilled with this if they’d send me a list of the songs they sing in class.  have to remind myself to send a note tomorrow.  While he is singing songs and doing pretty well, I don’t recognize them, so I can’t sing with him!

And lastly we get caught up with today:

Starting to use his classmates names when he talks to them.  He has come such a long way in the short time he’s been here. He is a pleasure to have in class.

Now that’s a great way to end a post, donchathink!

I have a lot more tomorrow.

Peace. I’m out.

Also on this topic…

• Finally out of the funk
• Changes in focus
• The weekend comes and goes