If there’s one thing that gets me about living in a house with three boys, it’s that I seem to be the only male capable of actually placing bathroom tissues on a holder. I suppose I should be thankful that the boys actually get a new roll when the old one runs out, but it’s maddening to have to search the bathroom for the new one when the time arises.
I mean seriously, they’ll put the bloody thing anywhere. On top of the toilet tank, on the vanity, on the shelf near the lavatory, on the clothes hamper or even (shudder) on the floor next to the facilities. (If you don’t know why that’s enough to make a full grown man shudder, you’ve never cleaned a restroom used primarily by pre-teen boys.)
And while they are good enough to get a new roll when needed, they aren’t always as good about making sure that the used-up tube finds its way into the trash. These formerly useful cardboard tubes can be found strewed across the floor, in the bathtub or (even more violens shudders) being used as a “helosope” or as a horn for our four year old son. (Ack! I don’t know where that thing has been. Get it away from your MOUTH!!!)
There are days when I wish a demonstration like the following would work:
But then, they are boys and Pre-teens. so I doubt that that demonstration would stick with them for long. Their minds are in other places, like plans to burn down my kitchen roasting marshmallows over an open gas flame or bungee jumping from the second story window into a mud puddle.
Summer is winding down. The kids go back to school next week. The lazy days and late morning wake ups are over. While I look forward to the impending peaceful mid-mornings, I dread these final few hectic days.
Now comes the imminent meltdowns in clothing outlets. The absolute need to have the most expensive pair of shoes that humans have ever produced. Now comes the arguments over whether a teenage boy really does need a pair of jeans three sizes too small… In purple. Or whether or not it’s acceptable to send a 10 year-old to school in that pink shirt he’s holding.
It’s last minute runs for pencils, pens, paper… And wouldn’t you know it; that new backpack we just bought is already broken, so add a trip to replace it while we’re at it. All while making sure shot records are up to date, contact information is current and registration meetings are made on time, all in four days, because for some reason we weren’t ready. For some reason we’re never ready.
I know what the reason is. It’s my kids. I can’t buy them shoes before the very last second or they will beg, plead, steal, extort or whatever else it takes to get those brand new shoes on. Then they destroy them. New pants? Nope. Even if I hide them I have the paranoid fear that they will dig them out and put holes in them before the first day of school. They’re boys, that’s what they do.
So with school just a few days away my wife and I embark on what I have come to call the Bat-Shit Crazy last days of summer. We’ll avoid the mall, certainly. there are thousands of other last-minute shoppers out there. The mall will be chaos. We’ll stick with a large chain store about 20 miles away, as it should be a lot less busy.
Of course we’ve got to add in a company picnic right in the middle of the whole damned show.
Stop. It’s a simple word with a simple meaning. Most four year-old children can identify a stop sign. Most can spell stop. (Or at least all of my kids could by the middle of their fourth year. This may be advanced or delayed, but it is my experience.) I don’t know of many who find [...]
These words were spoken in class last week by my oldest son when asked to write a report on a disease such as cancer, Parkinson’s, or autism. He stood and firmly informed his teacher that autism is a disorder not a disease, and that his little brother is not diseased, he’s just different. Insert proud [...]
It’s been a heck of a few weeks. School shopping, getting back into the school routine and getting up early have all taken their toll on the family, as has homework, reading assignments and other assorted school time stresses. On top of this, Lil’ B. was sent home from school on the first day of [...]
My kids are in terror. They are two weeks from starting school. They are living every moment they have left of summer to its fullest. Staying up late, begging to go enjoy the last of the local summertime activities, dreading the school-time schedule that starts next Monday. (What? You mean we have to go to [...]
In my mind all my kids are created equally. They are given the same amount of love, devotion and caring. I spend time with them as often as possible, have sat countless hours dealing with nightmares, scrapes, broken bones, bruises and emotional pain. None is above any other in the eyes of our family. Unfortunately in [...]
This is Lil’ E. To most people he’s an average 11 year old. He plays video games, stays up too late and occasionally talks back. He has an attitude problem as big as his personality and a smile that can almost make you forget about it. More often than not he is self centered, more [...]
When most people find out that our son is Autistic they respond in a fairly positive manner. At times this is a difficult thing to do, since it doesn’t usually become apparent that he is autistic unless he’s having a particularly bad moment, but people manage to be kind. Most tell me that he’s lucky for having such [...]
Lil’ B. is an escape artist. He has, in his very short life, escaped cribs, playpens, car seats and homes. He has mastered child-proof devices, can easily thwart deadbolts (from the inside) and can open the windows, though he hasn’t yet figured out that the screens come off. He is also a runner. He thinks [...]
